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Speechless....

Dear Malou,
You opened a door for me.
 
 Yesterday I was standing in the shower, thinking about a current ”dilemma”, and then I realized that I had forgot to listen to the voice of my heart for a while. So I gave voice to the feelings of frustration and anger I had in me. And allowed them to come out.
Through you I discovered that my heart has a voice of its own. And I’m learning how to be with that voice. I have learned how to express myself, without holding back and without judgment. I have learned that beauty don’t always sound like sounds of angels. At least not the kind of angels we like to think about.
 
The journey with you was so unexpected. I had no idea of what I said yes to. I guess I dared to say yes to the unexpected. I was allowing myself to be guided with my intuition, or what you might call our inner voice.
 
If I now look back to these months I have spent with you, I think about your presence, your ability to hold and be a safe container, the image of a safe parent who is allowing exploration and curiosity. But also how you made me cry so many times, because I knew I could do it with you. I have also laughed so hard with you, OMG! In a way you are a perfect combination of a grown up child, both playful and responsible. Your way of leading through intuition has been so inspiring for me, of how I would like to be and lead. I also like how nothing ever felt weird to tell you.
 
I appreciate your willing to give. I almost felt like I was asking to much of you sometimes. How its complicated with this kind of relationship, when you get so close and intimate, that it feels like you are developing a kind of friendship. I am grateful for all the personalized meditations you have been providing me with.
So looking back 4 months, to where we started. Who was I then. The same, but also very different.
 
I have developed a feeling of being able to hold myself. I feel less dependent on other people when I face complicated situations. I feel less lonely. I think I met you in a period of time where I had already started a very important process, and you gave me so much support and comfort to keep going. And I remember I told you at the end of our four months together, that I had this feeling of lack of depression, equanimity it might be cold. It was new to me, to stay in the middle for that long. And to be ok in the middle.
Today when I write this I’m having a bit of a shitty day. So then I feel especially thankful for having the memories of knowing what equanimity feels like, and having had it once means I can go there again. Its beautiful to know that its not the ”big” emotions that are most important. Maybe valuing the ones that takes less energy from us should be given a renaissance. Or at least I will try to do it for me.
 
Im amazed to think about that I have been recording melodies that came through me, I put words to the melodies, and I have even dared to send them to you. But I also dared to share them with a few other people who are near and dear to me. I have experienced that I could sothe myself by listening to a recording of my own voice, singing a Melody that came to me. I think most people can relate to how horrible it normally fells to hear your own voice. So the fact that I could center myself by listening to my own voice is really pure magic 😉
 
I am so jealous of anyone who gets to work with you Malou. I would like to adopt you as my Mascot, and magic fairy. And yes, it was definitely worth the investment. Coming to where I am now would not have been possible without your guidance. Yes, I say Yes yes yes!! And my heart cries tears of joy. I am grateful and full of love. I love you and the work you are sharing. I would so much like to sing with you again! One day I will stand up and sing my Fado.
 
Keep spreading your light,
Lots of love Fia

Sound Body Scan  Meditation

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